plague breather

breathe a plague
it descends like fallout
all around me withers
everything touched turns to old
to old stone and crumbles to dust
then to the wind it goes
to the wind it goes and into nothing

I breathe a plague

breathe a plague
and now it's winter

I lay on the ground
the earth rose to claim us
knowing we were ready
soil turns sour shaped liked us
lips turned black
pulled back a putrid grimace
our empty sockets locked
in trance, in cold, in forever ,sightless, filled with one another
it goes on forever
then stops dead in no where

hey

hey dude , how are you doing?ok? just ok?
its cool, sorry I havent written to you in so long. I just havent had the will, energy , desire to write about the sometimes happy often sad things that happen.
I am really trying hard to find a place where I can deal with , and even like you one day.
Its hard, a lifetime of loathing does not disappear overnight and I am sure you already know that, but I wanted it out there in the open for you to read .
I am not sure what will happen to us in the future but I want you to try to live a little more in the future ,alot in the present and let the past be the past.Is that ok? can you try that? iam totally willing.
I want you to take care of your self, I want you to be healthy and I want you to value yourself enough to want to do those things.
I understand you feel really bad about some really horribel things that have transpired over the course of your life, and although I a m not sure how to let go of regret and not be a product of your horrible childhood or be a product of the dysfuntion you create because of it, I am optimistic we can figure that out.I know there is good in you and real love that exists in you , I have seen the way you love your cats and your friends , music ,art, nature. I have seen your heartbreak from the pain of other living creatures that says so much to me and the people around you.You are a creature of depth, of intense and deep love and caring , now just turn a little of that on yourself, be forgiving, be kind , be generous, but also be vigilant and ever mindful of your actions adn thoughts.
I really just want us to be as happy as we possibly can and not feel guilt or mistrust when someone does soemthign nice for us or we do something nice for eachother.
I need you to try real hard to be strong enough , not just to survive and get by, but to LIVE .
Live hard.

who cares ? I do

Dawn just left.
we had a talk that we needed to have
she is not willing to salvage our relationship .
she can not be my wife, lover, partner.
I need to accept this.
Please accept this .

color fast

you are the light that fades and dies
once the truth that rotted lies
pain that never washed away
the sun that burns night into day

the need to fix what was broken
left you empty and unfulfilled
the souls you found that were rotten
brought you disease and made you ill


I am the cancer that eats away
agony and sickness that rots your way
the habit you could never break
that which corrupt your love to hate


the love you broke to fit in lines
the sun you brought no longer shines
dim and whither fade away
come back to love another day

the barren winds

cradle down the stair way I fall
encumbered
endless halls
void in stone and then to your heart we fell
the magnet pulls you down towards earth and truth
I hide in every way
you come, cascading shadow
trust to give
thrust on us
betrayer you fall the furthest from my mind
my pedestal! you hole! you pitiless hole, unleash the hounds the furies to wreck
the fate to pound to meal
Ill see you, I ll see you all
the same matter that rots. your seed as bad
your ground as sour .you end as sad, unknown
barren the landscape like salt and glass

you leave the same behind

words in water

in dreams
in words in water thinly veiled and set aside
the breaks that heal but never fade
the scars that make for words in water

pale lips that whisper silence in ears that strain to hear
the wise but broken know but one thing , know this,
your sun can't set any further west

and wait you shall

in dreams and lies
in faith , in ignorance of lives of truths best forgotten
best forgotten you shall be

these tears fall soundless, painless to me

will I know you when you get here?
save for the scars and the love I pound to dust?
the beasts I tamed and castrated
for the love you stole away
not lost but locked in stone and space alone
the times we had tainted and blurred
in pictures that fade with the pain
.......the loneliness we wrought
and the words we write in water can't recall the days
the times
and slowly fade away

when you saw me

I punched my way through your guard dogs
as you prayed for my death
I arose unscathed and slew your entire entourage
i saw you without your clothes
without your friends without your mask
but you sent me back to one
for what?
to see how far you could go alone
to watch little boys cry to their mamas groping for their decomposing tits
I stood up when you called me
I traveled long when you told me you'd wait
the times I saw pass confirmed the inevitable departing
you joined us
combined us
riddled with doubt you command us
the hope you gave the comfort you bled
left me the furthest to fall
and even in my pity my most selfish towering groveling ego
I see the beauty so impure and imperfect
damaged and limping its way to whatever place it must go to die
I see it and I think:"It couldnt happen any other way"
nurturing crippled passion
I saw you change before my eyes
I kissed your unfamiliar lips , so unlike the first time they were unfamiliar
so unlike when devourment , barely contained racked my nerves,soul and cock
I saw the flaw and patched it with your drive and pummeling will
but my complacency invoked your distaste , your disdain ,
again the furthest to fall I was, but it was you who shoved me
you saw no will
I saw perfect plans only poisoned by the indescretion of a cro-mag
I will see you someday and the recognition will thud dully in your chest
the smile of knowing passes your lips , a flawed smile
it patronizes it pities invites guilt and then fades
like it never happened like it never happened